just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
