and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize