he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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