Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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