im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
