i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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