i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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