Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
