Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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