There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
