yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
