I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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