She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
