I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
