wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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