Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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