so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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