Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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