Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
