Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
