im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
