i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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