guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
wow bdsm is so cute
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
