ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
