Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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