Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
