True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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