There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize