I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
