PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
