is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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