miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
