i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
