you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
