I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
