I cannot find my penis.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
