Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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