So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
