Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
