We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
