got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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