Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
