weddingsv make me drug and hornr
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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