I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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