lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
