I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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