I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
