hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i've created a new STD.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
