yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My ass is underappreciated
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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