She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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