I puked a lego.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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