So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
