just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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