if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
