I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
