one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Terrible idea I love it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
