I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
