it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize