a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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