non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize