i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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