I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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