You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize