I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
