I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
