When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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