Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
