The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is it penis luge time yet?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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