I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize