the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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