I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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