home. puking in laundry basket.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
